Tuesday, October 15, 2013

seeking solace

These past days, my blog has become my solace. 
an old friend who i tucked away, 

but will always be there for me.


It's not that I don't talk to people about my thoughts. But I do understand that sometimes, there is really nothing more that one can say about the situation. And it will be putting people in a spot if you keep harping on it. It seems easier to type it here instead. 

So I thought I got over it. But on Sunday, it was unintentionally brought up, and it made me recall - and thus gave me insomnia again. I couldn't get over the last line on "refer me". I get it that as friends, it will be kind of okay and funny to say that - but isn't it just a bit too soon? I'm not a thing to be passed around!

I have also thought - was it because I thought too much into the texts? I thought I tried to put a self guard to never assume (because I'll never forget the 'ass of u and me' interpretation from secondary school) but perhaps I read into the words too deeply? Was I so easily swayed? I wonder how others will interpret it if they saw it.

But I guess no matter how I wish to think, analyse and dissect the situation, is there even a point in it? I guess it would be something I can learn from if I manage to gather the correct analysis; but there is no answer, no data findings, no p value, no solution. 

It is hard to keep myself from not thinking though. And it is my very thoughts that keep me awake. The only way to get myself to sleep is to make myself very tired in the day. 

Which explains why I am going swimming tomorrow. Please do not rain, tyvm.

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