Thursday, March 24, 2011

So I got my Closure...

I initially wanted to blog about my closure. But I think it is too mentally exhausting for me to put down all my thoughts in this post. In fact, I only told two people about it, and I feel that I cannot bring myself to say it anymore for now. So I deleted what I had initially started writing...

Yup, I did get my closure. Not because he read my previous post on relationship closure, but because I asked him. I didn't intend to do it so soon, but I couldn't handle waiting one more month till the end of the semester. I cried so badly when we had that last conversation, for like an hour until I was so tired and I couldn't do any work. I even sent a farewell letter kinda to explain my feelings throughout the event.

Now that it is over, I think my heart has totally hardened. Thinking about what was said and done, I think I should be relieved that I have gotten back my singlehood.

Because until the end, I decided for you.

We are really poles apart, he is not someone that I can understand. I put all my feelings on a plate and deliver it to him. He says he don't talk about his feelings at all, no matter what. You know, I don't believe that at all. If he really were this way, he would have never expressed your feelings 3 years ago. It depends on how much you want to, or whether I was of any importance at all. Don't lie to yourself. 

Perhaps you should be more honest with how you feel.
Admit it, you didn't like me for a very long time.

My female instincts felt this ever since SEP. Perhaps I should have trusted my instincts more and ended it off earlier instead of always trying to talk about it to try to work things out. Because it will not work out if only one party actively seeks to rectify the problem. His mentality is to just keep quiet and not say anything...will that solve anything? I don't think so.

I don't think a couple needs to be totally similar to be together. Opposites attract; it depends on how they work together to overcome their differences. I don't think my parents are totally the same, but they somehow manage to work out their differences. My mummy is not the most active or outgoing person, totally different from my daddy. But my daddy brings her out to play games, do sports, and soon, she gets into it as well. Though they are apart most of the time, but they are still always there for each other...

So now, it is really time to move on. I am really sorry for lying to everyone, for telling them that I was okay. You know what, I was never really okay.

Until today.

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