Sunday, August 29, 2010

The Sunday Times - LOL!

Today, as usual, I read the newspapers while eating my breakfast. And I nearly puked out my food while reading Page 4 of Lifestyle (The Sunday Times 29 August 2010). Not because there was some disgusting picture, but because it was HILARIOUS.

As Gemhl mentioned on my facebook, it was really an EPIC article!

In case you don't have English newspapers, or you just don't bother to read because you are lazy, the following is an abstract quoted from Lifestyle!


 
Apparently the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports wants to promote dating and marraige amongst singles and have called for tenders. So The Sunday Times journalist went to approach a blogger, a dating agency owner, and two designers for their campaigns.

Blogger: Mr Brown

Grabbed from MrBrown.com
Tagline: "Don't be left on the shelf of life", or "Go out and date someone already"

"I believe in the direct approach. This is in line with the pragmatic and direct nature of our Government. Do not sugarcoat it for the singles. Hit them between the eyes".

How to:
1. The Amazing HDB Race: "Participants compete to find a flat they can afford and that can be acquried in under 3 years."

(haha, this is a prelude to one of the most common - i think - marriage proposals in Singapore. "eh, wanna go buy HDB flat together = let's get married k!)


2. Singles Dormitories: "a scheme, not unlike foreign worker housing, where singles can move out of their parents' home and live the single life cheaply, with other singles. They may even meet someone special while washing their clothes in the common laundry area."

(this is something like university halls eh. Considering how high the sex rates are in NUS halls, where 64% of undergraduates have sex more than once a week. Tried and proven method, so this will probably work! - especially when people get lonely and, well...starts to find company *winks*)


3. Dating Income Tax Relief: "Singles get income tax relief for evey date they go on. Additional relief is given if the date becomes a long-term relationship that lasts a minimum of six months"

(this is a sure-work. especially those desperate tax evaders. Singaporeans, aside from kiasu, kiasi, kiabo, also got kiamsiap lor. confirm work. period)


 
Target Location:
"You need to go to where the singles are. Put the posters in their parents' home. Preferbaly on the door, like loan sharks. Shame singles into going on dates."

(hahaha, next time instead of pig's head on the door, it'll be a packet of condoms placed on the door. With red paint sprayed on the door saying - this loser hasn't had sex in decades!)



 

Next up, co-founder of Phunk Studio: Jackson Tan

From Creative Circle
Tagline: "Date or Die. Date before it's too late. Die Die must date"

"If you want to run a campaign, make it a matter of life and death"

How to:
1. Singles Tax / Couples Rebate: "Impose a 3% singles tax when they watch movies, shop, take a cab and eat at restaurants. Couples can enjoy a 2% rebate".

(hahaha, similar to the Dating Income Tax Relief, i think this is a sure-work! added incentives to have a gf: discount provider!)

2. Couples' Lane: "Have a Couples' Lane for roads, walkways and queues into clubs, where singles have to give way. There can also be couple seats in the MRT, buses, cinemas and the park. Singles can stand or wait patiently in line. It is a good way for them to meet and interact with fellow singles."

(Hahaha this is freaking funny! Might as well revamp the YOG Give Way sign - instead of the 5 olympic circles, just change it to 2  hearts. ♥♥ GIVE WAY.)
 
Target Locations:
"Instead of posters, I will make "monumental" statements to demonstrate our strong intent to promote love. I will build a statue of Lady Raffles next to Sir Stamford Raffles and design a Merlioness to accompany the Merlion. I will also issue "LOVE" celebration flags to all residents to hang outside their homes like what we do during National Day month."
 
(HAHAHAHAHAHAHA..... sobriquetz has died laughing and can't comment on this anymore)
 
 
The other two were by females, and it wasn't funny at all. too serious, not going to bother to post it here. One was by Pat Law, regarding Love Letters from the Government - basically everything ends with the tagline Love, the Gov. Okay la, this was slightly funny - go flip Lifestyle if you are interested. Another one was by Violet Lim about "What if...". Hmm, nothing funny about that.
 
I'm not really sure what to infer from this....
 
Are women more funny than men?
Are men less serious about marriage and dating?
Are women desperate for love?
Are men hilariously annoying asses?
 
 
Well, whatever the inference...
 
 
I await to enjoy my Dating Income Tax Relief and my 2% Couples Rebate.

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